Failed MCAT #1

It happened. I failed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, one of my mentors told me you can’t fail the MCAT. But in reality I think you can. I got a score 492, where I can’t apply to my dream school. Which means I failed.

I was a deep fog because of this. I didn’t know what was wrong but I was rethinking my whole life. Maybe I’m not smart enough to me a doctor. Maybe I shouldn’t be a doctor. Maybe I can’t be a doctor.

In all honesty I think I wrote the MCAT completely burnt out. I had just moved across the country with absolutely alone. I couldn’t find stable housing till 2 months into my move. I was settling into a new 8-4 office job. I was juggling multiple projects that I love, but that all needed my attention. I was b-u-r-n-t-o-u-t. To a tee. I heard in a podcast by Kalyn Nicholson where she quoted a book she was reading “10% on 10 things is not the same as 100% on 1 thing”.  Think about that for a minute. That’s something I struggle with. When was the last time you focused on ONE thing? I don’t think I ever have. How can you focus on ONE thing?

This is something my partner has spoken to me about. But is something that I can’t quite wrap my head around. If I’m not doing more than one thing, I’m going to fall behind. I’m not going to be competitive. I’m not going to get into med school. But honestly, if I can’t succeed on ONE of the major metrics (the MCAT), I wouldn’t get into med school anyways.

So my challenge for the rest of the summer is to frankly, slow down. Focus on less (probably not ONE thing) things. I want to excel in everything I’m involved in right now. I love supporting the business and causes I’m involved in. So let’s see if we can SLOW DOWN, go maybe 70km/h versus 100km/h if we can accomplish more, but get to my goals/journey/destination.

0

Work, MCAT Study, Workout, Work

Oh boy.

I had dairy in tea recently thanks to Tim Horton’s Roll Up the Rim contest, which I am a total sucker for, and I am really attributing this weird mood I’ve been in to that. NO TO DAIRY.

I believe with my whole heart that I am meant to be a physician. I am meant to lead with kindness, knowledge, and compassion. I want to take care of other humans and be a source of inspiration like my doctors have been for me. But when studying for the MCAT, it can seem like a farfetched, unimaginable idea.

My brain does not understand physics. I’m teaching myself organic chemistry, and I haven’t even started biochemistry yet. But I’m scared. Everytime I sit down to tackle a chapter, I have to force myself to focus just on what I am doing. I can’t get overwhelmed with the vast amounts of knowledge that I don’t know  yet, or that I have yet to conquer.

I’m balancing this with working full time, remotely, which is actually difficult but I appreciate the flexibility that it affords me. I’m also trying to workout everyday as I know I always feel better mentally when I do. I’m also trying to loose weight before my wedding.

I’ve been feeling an urge to write, so here I am. I can’t really wrap my head around journaling, so I’m going to online journal. I think that’s a good warm up to an actual journal. It’ll get me in the habit of putting words down, or rather getting them out of my head.

0

Long Weekend Recharge

This September long weekend I headed to New York, for a very long overdue visit to my dear friend Esinam. She has lived there since she went to law school in 2012! I haven’t really been able to see her because it is so expensive to go from the West Coast to the East Coast of North America. I am currently in Montreal working with the Canadian Space Agency, so it is a lot more reasonable to get to New York.

This was a short visit during the long weekend and it was so good for my soul! I came to Montreal on my own and was really feeling homesick and isolated. Getting out of the city, really recharged my batteries. It was so nice to feel loved, and supported.

I don’t why I feel so isolated in Quebec. I am really fearful about not being able to speak French. And for some reason getting stuck somewhere. Luckily Uber is here, so I can always get directly home, even if it costs a bit more than transit.

I’m working on not needing these weekend recharges. I want to live everyday and enjoy the process. It is definitely not something that I know how to do, but I am absolutely working on that. I love my job, I just need to get comfortable in my community.

0

A Dose of Sunshine

It is really amazing what a day of sunshine can do for a mind shift. I am a self-professed non early morning person. My days don’t flow when I am awaken by an alarm clock. I function much better easing into a day around the 9 or 10 o’clock hour. I know this and I try to structure my days round this very clear fact after months of testing early morning routines.

I do love setting up workouts or signing up for yoga classes in the morning and go to bed always with so much enthusiasm for them. But every single time, when the morning rolls around and I have a class to go to, I absolutely dread it and it is a complete battle in my mind. 9 times out of 10 I will cancel it at the last moment. Today was an example of this but I forced myself to ignore that voice in my head telling me to stay in bed. I got up and took transit to a (*free) yoga class over town. I wasn’t really feeling it until I got there. Friendly faces and good music really can lift your mood.

I realize I kind of get that feeling every time after I exercise. But the struggle to get there is so enormous. I really don’t focus on the post exercise feels. I wish there was a way to make the morning much flow-y-er.

0

So I have Some Free Time on My Hands

I had some things recently shift pretty significantly in my life and now I am entirely focused on working on applying for med school. I am currently working on getting a few more classes under my belt, with plans to write the MCAT in 2018.

As I focus on school, I also want to start blogging again. I love the idea of expressing thoughts outside of my head and seeing them formulate on a page. I’m going to use this space to learn more about myself and will use it to see how I have grown through the upcoming months and years!

This is definitely good timing as it is my 27th birthday tomorrow! I can’t wait to see what the next year ahead holds.

More writing is coming soon!

 

 

0

Be Specific

I watched a video recently with Marie Forleo and Seth Godin. It’s short and sweet, and directly to the point. I took a few things away but one thing was that I want to write more consistently.

Take a watch and let me know what you think.

Another thing he mentions that I really resonated with was:

screen-shot-2016-10-19-at-3-39-26-pm

This was so timely, as I am again struggling to figure out how to balance school, work, exercise, nutrition, and life. And yah, you know what I CAN’T do it all. What is my main focus? School. Or rather, what do I want to be my main focus? SCHOOL.

It finally dawned on my that I can’t expect exceptional grades if I don’t change the way I study. By no means was I a poor student previously, but I was not at the very top of the class, which is where I am aiming. Somethings have to change so I can get there. So I am dedicating more focused, blocked off study time in my calendar. Three solid library hours, using the pomodoro timing method, 25 minutes on, 5 minutes off every other day. I need to put in the work to see the results I want to see.

That is what I am working on. I want to know, what are you working on? Are you working on any goals before the busy holiday season greets us?

 

0

Another Semester Bites the Dust

If I told you I had an undergrad degree with a co-op designation and multiple terms on the dean’s list, and a public relations certificate, would you believe me if I said I still didn’t know how to be a student?

This semester was HARD. I feel like I felt an entirely new level of stress and anxiety. I’m in a hard place to trying to entirely focus on school to get the grades I need to get into med school, but also not fall apart at the seams in the finance department. This semester I had a part time job for the four months, was balancing volunteer work, with limited to social/free time, and a half course load of very heavy classes (read my first chemistry class EVER, my first university math class, and biology).

Not to mention, I’m still battling my low energy levels. I started on consistent iron supplements in February, regular B12 shots since March, and slightly more attention to nutrition. But I’m also fallen off my iron pills and nutrition in the last month. Like cliff-dived.

Today, I wrapped up my final of three cumulative exams. I definitely feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders but I also still have this heavy feeling in my stomach. This is the first time in my academic career where I’m not absolutely relieved to be done. This leads to me to a very clear revelation that things need to change in the fall. I am not deterred from school, in fact I know this drive is ever more clear to get myself INTO med school. I am deterred from feeling this overwhelmed and having a weekly scheduled completely bogged down, every hour of the day.

Here’s to figuring out a solid plan when I head back to the books in the fall (if not this summer-I’m trying to get onto a waitlist at another school to take the next level of chemistry).

0

Let’s Get It

There’s times, and often times in the morning, that I’m not overly inspired. My energy levels are lower, my motivation is virtually non-existent, and it takes A LOT of mental energy to remove me from my couch, that is if I have left my bed.

I am NOT a morning person. There I said it. I’ve read countless articles that say the most successful people take advantage of their mornings. But really, it’s an uphill battle.

I’ve been trying to figure out HOW to overcome this sluggish start to my days. I tested out early morning fitness classes. But quickly learned this was not working for my energy levels in my academic classes. And this is a space in my life that I definitely need the energy. So back to the drawing board I go. What I’ve learned is that the late morning/early afternoon is where I am the most productive.

I think now that I’ve realized that, I need to figure out how to BEST optimize my time during that block, but also improve the other time blocks. There are so many things I want to do. So let’s start SMALL.

I found this app called Way of Life, the Ultimate Habit Building App through a podcast I listened to in the new year. And it has been awesome! Super clear and easy to use. I’ve developed a few habits including: consistently testing my blood sugars at meals, FLOSSING, and drinking water. I’m currently working on exercising MORE, yoga’ing consistently, and reading.

More specifically, I want to dedicate 30 minutes every morning walking. That’s just 15 minutes away from my home, and 15 minutes back. That’s my small step in trying to make my mornings a bit more productive.

 

Let’s get it. Here is another go at increasing my productivity and energy levels. What are you currently working on? Please let me know!

0

Energy and Productivity

You know what I’m struggling with lately? Really noticeable low energy levels. I’ve been on a mission to tackle this. Starting with a visit to my family doctor, to ensure all of my blood levels were normal. My iron is a bit low, so I’ve started on daily iron pills to help improve that. But that can take up to three months to see any effects. So I was wondering what else can I do? I’m going to be tested for low b12 levels. I think this could be a culprit because I really don’t eat a lot of meat or animal product, of which is the major source of b12 in human diets. So that could also be a contributing factor.

But I wanted to know what else I could do to optimize my energy levels on a daily basis, especially when I needed them to be heightened, specifically in classes and at work.

So I went on an internet mission to see what I could do to, to a) improve my energy levels but also b) increase my productivity.

Here is what I’m testing out:

  1. Increase in super foods throughout the day
    –>Adding chia to my breakfast either in overnight oats, smoothies, or scrambled eggs
    –>Mid morning snacks filled with healthy fats and protein by way of home made muffins inspired by Oh She Glow’s Pumpkin Muffins, and adding some almonds to the mix.
  2. Planning out lunches and dinners for the week. I tried to crowd source some easy, grab and go lunch ideas, and Sunny Lenarduzzi suggested a quinoa salad. I’ll be putting that together early this week, and alternating that with my homemade barley and veg soup.
  3. Dinner I’m trying to limit the amount of meat I consume. So ranging with options of homemade pizza, with dough from Bowen Island Pizza Co (Friday night’s treat), veggie stir fry, and turkey tacos among a few others. I hope this also helps me save energy from having to worry about “What’s for dinner”.
  4.  A morning routine-I came across this video from Chase Jarvis care of Sunny Lenarduzzi on Twitter, who talks about how is prioritizes his times into 90 minute chunks. He also links to his top 6 morning routines that keep him at his best. Take a look at that video and let me know what you think. What I’m taking away from them are:
    –>WALKING more. I scheduled in a weekly walk for my boyfriend and I this past week, and we walked for 40 minutes! I was impressed with us, and thought we were really cute, so I want to continue this. I also want to try to add it more into my day-to-day
    –>WATER-I need to get into the habit of carrying my water bottle around more. I want to constantly be sipping on water.

I’m still on the hunt for a few more productivity resources that I can use to improve my days. These are the ones that I will be starting with to focus my energy levels.

Do you have any resources you recommend or that you tune to? Please leave a comment and let me know!

0

Revised Priorities Plan

Can you believe it is already past the midway point of January? January for me so far has absolutely been jam packed, as I try to tackle my top three priorities:

  1. Focusing on school
  2. Maintaining a consistent fitness routine
  3. Building maintaining community especially on social media

I shared priorities with a former teacher, and friend recently and she suggested maybe I was tackling too much. This idea kind of shocked me. I mean really, it’s only three goals. But as I reflected on the past weeks, I realized that my energy levels were almost at an all time low. Although I was hitting every point I had aimed to check off, I was not doing it in a sustainable way.

I know for sure that I do not want to feel like I could always use a nap. I want to be energized and revving to go for whatever a day may throw at me. So that means I need to readjust and revise my plan to meet my priorities for January.

On realizing this, I downloaded some new podcasts to listen to in my car, that I knew were inspiring, but would also offer something tangible I could apply in my life. I downloaded a few of Gary Vaynerchuk‘s, Tim Ferris‘, and the Harvard Business Review.

In a recent HBR podcast, 505, Tara Mohr, shared an idea of letting go of fear, but also of praise. This is not something I’ve really thought about before. But it really made sense to me. If you’re a high achiever you might recognize this in yourself. Where you make decisions based on what you can achieve and the praise you will receive. Mohr, suggests that this can hold us back, similar to how fear works.

Another HBR podcast, 504, Heidi Grant Halvorson, shared a new idea to goal setting that really clicked for me. She suggested to frame you goals as if….then….statements. It makes your decision making regarding your goals a little bit easier. And it can also incorporate backup plans. For example, if I have two or more classes on a day, I will do an evening workout.

I definitely suggest downloading those two podcasts. They will explain these ideas much more fully.

Based on these ideas, I’ve revised my January to plan to look like this:

  1. If I have one class, I will exercise in the morning.
  2. If I have two or more classes, I will do an evening class, or a take a rest day.
  3. If I have a test up coming the next week, I will only meet with one person during the week.

*I also want to be really focused on improving my energy levels. The first two weeks of January, saw me meeting my 3x weekly spin classes with 6:15am or 7:15am classes. But then I immediately noticed I hit my first wall of the day midway through my 10am class. This was supporting my fitness goal, but was not positively supporting my academic goals. So I am making this energy level idea a higher priority this month.

I am first addressing this by shifting the timing of my classes, outlined a bit more in my goals above. I am also going to book a consulting appointment with a nutritionist who can help me figuring out if I am fuelling properly.

Did you set new priorities or goals for the new year? Let me know how they are going. Leave a comment below or shoot me an email stephaniepamelafowler@gmail.com. I’m taking Devon Brooks‘ lead and supporting my community to be accountable.

 

0

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑